By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — The week’s Torah reading, Shemini, immediately following our Passover holiday, is filled with emotional and spiritual complexities that accentuate the importance of ritual, structure, awe, and reverence…all aimed at helping us connect with Hashem in a humble way. After this intense holiday period, do we really need more focus on the importance of observing laws of kashrut, meant to promote health and cleanliness, as well as to create a sense of separateness and identity for our people? Do we really need more focus on the dangers of taking rituals and structures for granted and avoid becoming complacent in our spiritual practice, as seen in the story of Aharon’s sons, Nadav and Avihu?
We pray daily in the Shema, “I am Hashem your G-d – it is true – Hashem your G-d, is true. And certain, established and enduring, fair and faithful, beloved and cherished, delightful and pleasant, awesome and powerful, correct and accepted, good and beautiful is this affirmation to us forever and ever.” Yet still with this awe-inspiring commitment, with this powerful acceptance, with this formidable declaration, with this evocative message, still we all err, still we all misstep, still we all sin.
Recall that these two sons were righteous and holy people, who made the mistake of offering a “strange fire” to Hashem, a fire that was not commanded of them. Clearly, we can see that our own interpretations, our own ideas about what is proper, are not always correct. The Chasam Sofer suggests in a Medrash that there were three reasons for this sin. First, they chose to act without the advice of their teacher, Moshe, something we also learn from the Yalkut Shimoni. Then, they entered the Mishkan after drinking wine and were intoxicated. Third, they did not have children. The central sin, according to the Chasam Sofer, was that they chose not to marry and, as a result, had no children. He teaches us that a central purpose of having children is to enable us to grow properly. He goes on to explain that not having children may be a hindrance to developing an appreciation of giving kavod. He is telling us that our relationships are given to us to help us grow closer to Hashem, and to become more complete people.
We read in the parasha, “And Aharon’s sons, Nadav and Avihu, each took his pan, put fire in them, and placed incense upon it, and they brought before the Lord foreign fire, which He had not commanded them. And fire went forth from before the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord.” And in the very next pasuk, we read, …”And Aharon was silent.” SILENT? Aharon, the boys’ father was SILENT? How could a parent be silent upon losing two sons? This narrative has troubled many erudite scholars, thinkers, and elders over centuries. In contemporary psychological thinking, silence leads to tranquility, which promotes awareness that helps accept the present as it is. This thoughtful, mindful, breather, helps us dial into our self-regulation and emotional mastery – which we see in Aharon. He responded to the death of his sons fully aligned with his deepest values.
Rashi tells us that Aharon’s silence was honorable and illustrated his acceptance. The Rashbam tells us that Aharon censored his desire to mourn and cry, for the sake of Hashem and his community. The Ramban, based on his understanding of “vayidom,” believes that Aharon did cry and then became silent. He cried, mourned, and then accepted.
Life doesn’t always make sense. We struggle for answers. Or we can be like this fellow below, filled with loss, economic instability, fear, and isolation, and still we are asked to live up to our tests with faith, strength, emunah and bitachon.
Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, an early Hassidic master, noted, “There are two kinds of sorrow . . . When a person broods over the misfortunes that have come upon him, when he cowers in a corner and despairs of help—that is a bad kind of sorrow. The other kind is the honest grief of a person who knows what he lacks.” We can help our emotional pain by encouraging a healthy – not an unhealthy – airing of anguish, staying focused on the here and now, acquiring acceptance of honest healthy grief, and magnifying emunah and bitachon.
Rabbi Zelig Pliskin notes in his “Growth Through Torah:”
Chazal require us to bless Hashem for the bad just as we bless Him for the good. What, then, was this special praise of Aharon, the first High Priest, for his silence? When a person says, “All that the Almighty does for me is for the good” about something that originally disturbed or frustrated him, it implies that at first, he was bothered by what happened. But as soon as he realizes the matter bothers him, he uses intellect to overcome his negative reaction. Intellectually, he knows that all that the Almighty causes to occur is ultimately for the good and this knowledge enables him to accept the situation. But an even higher level is to internalize the concept that whatever the Almighty does is positive and good. When this is a person’s automatic evaluation of every occurrence, he does not have to keep convincing himself that a specific event is good. Such a person accepts with joy everything that occurs in his life. That was Aharon’s greatness. He remained silent because he knew clearly that everything Hashem does is purposeful. Accepting Hashem’s will is the most crucial attitude to integrate for living a happy life.
Acceptance is never easy. But if we do not learn from the lesson inside of this week’s Torah portion, we may well distance ourselves even further from our spiritual passion. We can fear the sin of Nadav and Avihu, bringing a strange fire, or we can view their attempt to come close to Hashem, seen in the root of the word sacrifice, korban, as lehakriv, to come close, to bring something of themselves…yes, an error in terms of what they did, but their passionate spiritual journey may be seen as a challenge FOR us today. Do we feel this spiritual tug to come close, in proper ways, to Hashem? This is surely a challenge in our times, as we see more and more stepping away.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com