Satire: A Hound’s Hanukkah Hymns

By Elona Baron as Barked to Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — When your human is Jewish, you observe Hanukkah. Most Jews don’t know about the Book of Maccabeagles who attacked the Seleucids. They were the first to coin the acronym MAGA (Maccabeagles Against Greek Aggressors). Jewish dogs love latkes being tossed at them because they think they are frisbees. Jewish dogs envy Christian dogs who get to pee on Christmas trees which they jokingly refer to as indoor plumbing. When you hear Jewish dogs barking, baying, or howling at this time of the year, they are really singing Hanukkah hymns which I have translated with the help of my human.

Dogs Will Retell (Melody: Who Will Retell)

Dogs will retell the things they have suffered
In the dog pounds. Spayed and caged, they were outraged
By mean humans.

Bark!
Long ago in their Canine land.
Jewish dogs were forced to make a stand. Helped Judah so his people could be freed. In return Jews pampered every breed.

Puppy (Melody: Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel)

The Maccabees had puppies. For Seleucids whom they bit. They sniffed a cruse of oil. To keep the Temple lit.

Oh, puppies, puppies, puppies. For Seleucids whom they bit. They sniffed a cruse of oil. To keep the Temple lit.

They were little puppies. With legs so short and stout. They loved the smell of latkes Wafting in their snouts.

Oh, puppies, puppies, puppies With legs so short and stout. They loved the smell of latkes Wafting in their snouts.

Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah (Melody: Hanukkah, Oh, Hanukkah)

Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah! Dogs guard the Menorah.
Light to read Torah
With its bright aura.
Under the table. Jews give them a treat.
Kosher bones to chew on and kibble to eat.

While tails are wagging
Waiting for soft tummy rubs, Each one gets pet, no trip to the vet, And snacking on Hanukkah grub.
Each one gets pet, no trip to the vet, And snacking on Hanukkah grub.

*

Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.