By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Ever since Donald Trump entered the American political scene, I have been terrified. It’s not Trump that scares me. Since I live only 30 minutes from the Mexican border, I have worried about being assaulted, kidnapped, killed, or robbed by armed illegal aliens released from insane asylums and prisons to invade the United States at the behest of hostile countries.
Trump taught me that these aliens disguise themselves as asylum seekers and immigrants by acting like they have families fearing for their security in their native lands and wearing civilian clothes instead of their army uniforms. When I wake up until I go to sleep, I fret that I am in imminent danger. Walking my dog in the morning, I pass hordes of darkly complected women who descend upon my neighborhood purportedly to clean houses. They are carrying pails of toxic substances to poison their employers. Other foreign women pose as home healthcare aides awaiting the perfect moment to harm the folks they assist.
On the front lawns of residences, nonwhite men ostensibly work as gardeners and landscapers. They wield tools easily converted into weapons. Leaf blowers will become flamethrowers; pruning shears will be sharpened into machetes and weed sprayers already spew herbicides contaminating the ground water. They speak foreign languages to conceal their nefarious plans.
If I drive to rural areas, I see their co-conspirators picking crops. I’m certain they are sneaking glass shards and razor blades into the fruit and vegetables they harvest. This is also true of those toiling in meat packing plants. When meat and produce reach restaurants, undocumented cooks and waiters maliciously prepare and serve this potentially fatal food.
Back in the city, construction sites are populated by brown and black skinned subverters of the American way. I have seen videos showing how only a few explosives placed at strategic points in a structure can bring it down. I suspect that these foreign spies pretend to be building homes while planting bombs in them to subsequently detonate.
In the evening, I feel safer seeing watching the news of unidentified masked armed men in tactical gear arresting the aliens who are menacing American society. Even the National Guard and Marines have been deployed to Los Angeles to protect me. Mass deportations mean that Americans soon will have the patriotic privilege of personally caring for their incapacitated loved ones, cleaning their houses, cooking their meals, mowing their lawns, never dining at restaurants, paying more for scarce fruits, meats, and vegetables, and residing in older houses whose mortgages and rents are higher because no new homes are being built. America first!
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Laurie Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.
I’ve long ditched the idea that something I write can be taken out of context. This column was inspired by the movies Stadt ohne Juden and A Day Without Mexican.
Laurie: I read this without reading the first word of your title: SATIRE!!!!!! It’s brilliantly conceived and carried off, but if it gets into the wrong hands, might it not be placed into the service of fascism? Or is that concern simply part of the culture of fear that our current regime has struggled to foment? I find it strange that the more inept they seem, the more their power seems to grow.
Kol hakavod Laurie!