By Rabbi Baruch Lederman
SAN DIEGO–Hashem orchestrates the world and takes care of us in amazing unexpected ways. He showers us with blessings. We need to be able to accept those brachos (blessings), as the
following story illustrates:
Mendel excused himself and asked his wife to join him in the next room. “You heard what he said. His father is Hershel Rosenfeld from Montreal.”
“Yes Mendel, I know all about you and Herschel Rosenfeld.”
“Then you know I can’t let this happen.”
“Don’t make a scene now. Let them go out. Maybe she won’t even like him and this whole thing won’t even be an issue,” said Mrs. Goodman.
Sheindel came back from the date with stars in her eyes. She never had such a great time, nor did she ever like a boy so much. Yossi was everything she could ever want or hope for. She felt alive with him.
She couldn’t wait to tell her parents all about it.
“You may not see that boy again,” said Mendel abrubtly.
“What?!”
“You cannot continue to go out with him.”
“But.”
“You don’t know what kind of a man Herschel Rosenfeld is. There is nothing to talk about. We are calling it off and that’s it.”
Sheindel couldn’t understand what she was hearing. It was as if she had just gotten the wind knocked out of her. She ran to her room in tears.
When Yossi heard the news, he too was thunderstruck. He really liked Sheindel. She was kind, virtuous, fun to be with. He had never met anyone like her. When he was with her, he felt like the person he wanted to be. They were so compatible, they hit is off so well, he knew she felt the same way.
Plus he felt wronged. Mr. Goodman knew who his father was before they left the house. If it was such a terrible problem, he could have stopped the shidduch before it started. For Mr. Goodman to stop a successful shidduch at this point was just wrong – especially when the whole reason was some silly grudge.
When Yossi’s Rosh Yeshivah heard about this, he called Mendel, assuring him that Yossi was the finest young man he could ever desire, and that any issue between Mendel and Herschel had nothing to do with Yossi. It was to no avail. Mendel would not budge.
Yossi was pining away. Sheindel stole his heart. An older married friend of his, Shalom, who learned in the kollel, said to him, “I know you are upset at the father and you see the girl as an innocent victim, but if she is the type of woman who cannot stand up to her parents, then that is a sign of the future. Throughout your married life, she would cave in to her parents every time there is a conflict and trust me, you would be miserable. If this is what she is, you are better off without her.”
As painful as it was, Yossi understood the truth of Shalom’s words.
Meanwhile Sheindel was also pining away. The man of her dreams had just been ripped away from her. Her once bright eyes were sad, pathetic and forlorn. It was heartbreaking to look at her like this, but her father would not waver. Sheindel was always an obedient daughter who did all she could to bring nachas to her parents. Suddenly it hit her like an inspiration. She thought to herself, “Im ain ani li mi li? If I am not for myself who will be for me?”
She told her parents politely but firmly, “I am going to tell the shadchan to set up another date for me with Yossi, if he will still have me. I hope you consent to this; but if you do not, I am fully prepared to face whatever I need to face.”
The second date was even better than the first. The more they went out, the happier they became and the darker Mendel became. His wife saw how this was eating him up alive. Finally, she sat him down and the two of them had a heart to heart talk about everything. After much discussion and soul searching, Mendel came to the realization that his objections were opinion not fact. The problems were his own, not Yossi’s and certainly shouldn’t become Sheindel’s.
As Mendel recently recalled, “It makes me shudder to think that I was ready to let my personal subjective feelings ruin my daughter’s life. Not to mention our entire family’s happiness – we absolutely adore our son-in-law Yossi.”
Dedicated by Linda & Ron Holman in honor of the Lederman family.
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Rabbi Lederman is spiritual leader of Congregation Kehillas Torah. He may be contacted at baruch.lederman@sdjewishworld.com