By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — Ever face a setback, a rejection, a slip, a fall? Who hasn’t? Oy gevalt! Evictions, pleading to “let My people go,” magic staffs, plagues, hardened hearts, sacrificing children…read all this and enjoy a peaceful Shabbat? Meshuggeh!
This past week, I slipped on the way to the gym and fractured my kneecap (!), broke my elbow (!), and have been essentially immobilized and restricted to home during post-surgery recovery and healing, and will likely be this way for some time to come. Interestingly, the Torah reading for this week brought a sense of solace, offering a perspective on navigating life’s difficulties and finding meaning in the midst of challenges.
Parasha Vayera is a powerful and complex portion that leaves us grappling with profound questions about faith, morality, and Hashem’s purpose in our lives. It is a testament to Abraham’s unwavering faith and his willingness to walk in the darkness of uncertainty, guided by the flickering light of Hashem’s promises. It is a rich tapestry of tales that explore themes of hospitality, faith, justice, and familial relationships. It serves as a source of moral and ethical teachings for us, offering profound insights into the foundations of Judaism and the enduring values that continue to resonate within our tradition.
This week we learn of Abraham’s test to sacrifice his beloved son, Isaac. It’s the only challenge of the ten trials in the Torah clearly identified as a “test.” Hashem needed to test Abraham? After all, isn’t He omniscient? Yes, but the purpose of these tests are to elevate Abraham, to help him grow.
When we live our lives Lemala Min Hateva, going beyond the natural, seeing that every breath, every step (and every fall), every turn, every seeming chance meeting, every seeming obstacle, every slip, every plague, are transformational opportunities given to us by Hashem, well, that is a RICH life, and a life that can be free of unhealthy negative emotions.
Rabbi Zelig Pliskin teaches us to see the Hand of Hashem in our suffering as a kind aid in our self-improvement. When viewed as a benefit, when fully embraced, when seen through the lens of self-examination, pain can be used to help us move forward.
Yes, these are trying times full of emotional distress anchored in the way we see the reality surrounding us. Let’s not pretend that the adversities we face in our lives are good. October 7th will not be recalled as a good day in our history. But let’s help each other with empathy and compassion to offer realistic encouragement and emotional support. The Meshech Chochmah points out that words of false hope, of positivity that another cannot relate to at times of emotional duress, will NOT be believed, nor will these words be comforting.
Hashem promised to free the Israelites from bondage but because of kotzer ruach, they did not hear Moshe relating this promise. The Sforno tells us that kotzer ruach means what they were hearing was not believable in addition to the shortness of breath that their anxiety brought upon them. Between their shortness of breath and spiritual lack, they remained in a state of emotional tzuris, of panic anxiety.
In the parasha, we see the word Va’eira, Hebrew for, “and I appeared,” the first word that Hashem speaks in the parasha. Don’t we understand that He always appears? Then we see inside the word, “Mitzrayim,” which means “constriction” or “narrowness,” a hint at what it takes for growth. Rashi teaches us that both Mitzrayim and kotzer contain the root ‘tzar’. He goes on to observe that when we are in a state of mental narrowing, constraint, (meitzar), we physiologically react with shortness of breath (katzar). Without proper breathing, we lose our connection to life…and without a proper mindset, we lose our connection to Hashem. On this point, the S’fat Emet brings this thought, “Hearing requires being empty of everything, so that we can hear the voice of Hashem.” In modern day language, we need to be “mindful” to build “resilience” and tanchumim, a calm and peaceful mind to strengthen our connection to Hashem, and to minimize kotzer ruach. And you thought pop psychology invented all of this?
We’re not just at the mercy of nature. Everything that happens is guided by a higher power, known to us as Hashem. It’s not just about punishment, like how Pharaoh sees life. According to Rav Nachman of Breslov, when we pray with open hearts, minds, and eyes, we seek support from Hashem, and He always listens. Sometimes, the answer may seem like a “No,” but it’s not a rejection; it’s a redirection for our own good. Even if things look bad, Hashem has unlimited possibilities. However, if we don’t take a step back, pause, and reflect on the lessons we need to learn for personal growth, we end up living with exclamations (!!!) instead of questions (???).
Certainly, when we pray, we ask not to be tested or face difficulties. We’d rather not deal with challenges. But when challenges do come, big or small, we’re supposed to face them and use them as opportunities to grow. Certainly, when challenges come our way, we have the chance to discover affection, kindness, who our friends are, modesty, diligence, and a clear sense of purpose.
No, we don’t want falls, broken bones and we’d like to avoid tests and trials. We don’t want trials of October 7th. Let’s learn from Abraham and show the world our resilience, our growth, our strength, our positivity, our determination.
Indeed, the Stoic philosophers noted that every misfortune that lies outside of our choice is an opportunity to strengthen our resolve, not an excuse to weaken it. Seneca wrote, “You are unfortunate in my judgment, for you have never been unfortunate. You have passed through life with no antagonist to face you; no one will know what you were capable of, not even you yourself.”
Facing challenges itself is a big task. Accepting that challenges are blessings, opportunities to show loyalty to Hashem, and a way to earn greater rewards through our choices is not easy. The first step in any challenge is not to make yourself upset about facing it, but to accept the situation and welcome the challenge. Overcoming difficulties while serving Hashem helps us become better individuals.
There’s a story I heard about a Yeshiva boy who was struggling and feeling discouraged. Someone suggested he seek advice from a wise rabbi. Initially hesitant, he eventually spoke to the rabbi about his challenges. The rabbi took down a portrait of a respected rabbi from the wall, a picture made up of tiny black dots forming the image. He asked the boy what made the image clear, and the boy replied, “The density and boldness of the black dots.”
The rabbi explained that each black dot represented a struggle the revered rabbi faced in his life. Overcoming each challenge added another black dot, forming his beautiful personality. Challenges, he said, shouldn’t be scary; instead, they are opportunities to add more black dots to our own portrait. Understanding that challenges help shape our character and bring us closer to Hashem makes it easier to face and overcome them. The more we appreciate and embrace our life challenges, the greater individuals we become. A person who lives with complete emunah and bitachon in Hashem is always filled with serenity, tranquility and security.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com