By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Kristi Noem has floated the idea of producing a reality show called “The Americans” in which immigrants compete for the prize of being granted a fast-track path to citizenship. Only Afrikaners and white Australians and Europeans will be eligible to participate.
Trump plans to follow up “The Americans” with these other political game shows.
What’s My Unsecured Line? Pete Hegseth hosts a show where various intelligence agents attend his meetings with defense and national security officials. The agents will be tasked with identifying which apps and devices he is using can be hacked or monitored by foreign governments. Those who discover any security lapses will be fired. Those who don’t find any problems will be promoted.
The Hunger Games: Elon Musk visits countries which are no longer receiving food or medicine from USAID. He will award Teslas to the surviving families of children who died of sickness or starvation enabling them to drive to the funerals without emitting greenhouse gases.
Jeopardy: Robert F. Kennedy endangers the health of anti-vaxxer contestants by exposing them to contagious diseases or swimming with them in contaminated bodies of water. The Department of Health and Human Services will provide free healthcare to those who do not become ill and sponsor speaking tours in which they will inform audiences that medicines and vaccinations aren’t necessary to stay healthy.
The Highest Price is Right: Trump pits contestants and countries against each other to ascertain who will purchase the biggest number of crypto coins, give him the most expensive gifts, or make the largest donations to his legal defense fund and forthcoming military birthday parade. Winners not only get unfettered access to the president but also the enactment of policies and the granting of favors they request.
Let’s Make a Deal: With Hegseth’s technical assistance, Trump will record all future bilateral tariff negotiations. Only those in which countries seemingly capitulate to his demands will be broadcast. While the United States will never lose in the negotiations that are aired, American consumers will not be so fortunate.
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Laurie Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.