By Sheila Orysiek
SAN DIEGO — As I write this early on Thursday morning, October 30th, I face a day in which I will be attending the funeral of a friend, Rae Marie Ibarra. This was most unexpected. It is hard to believe I will no longer see her bright eyes and welcoming smile. She has been a part of my life as a congregant of Temple Emanu-El.
My fondest memory of her is the day she taught a Torah Study session when the rabbi was on a trip. The portion for the day was Bereishit (Genesis) 2:19 in which Adam names the living creatures of the Earth. Rae Marie did something very simple with this text, and yet so meaningful that it was for me one of the most profound Torah Study sessions in the nine years I’ve attended.
She asked us to think about the importance of names, about the many names we have been called through our lives. As we went around the room, each member shared this lifetime of shifting names denoting the changes of identity we experience through the years.
I remembered the affectionate name my grandmother, bubby, called me – adding the Yiddish based “leh” to “Sheila.” The beautiful Hebrew name given to me in memory of a great grandmother and how much I’ve come to love and use it as my understanding of it increased.
The names my parents called me when they were happy with my childish accomplishments, as well as those when my activities were a bit below their expectations of good behavior. The nickname I had amongst friends, and a few in less friendly situations.
The secret name one spouse gives another; a reminder of how an acquaintance blossomed into a marriage. The names my son called me as he grew from baby to adult: mama, mommy, mom. And, then, of course the names which gives us a place on the family branches of a genetic tree: daughter/son, wife/husband, mother/father, sister/brother. In this simple exercise, Rae Marie taught a profound lesson – one I’ll not forget.
Dividing her time between San Diego and Mexico City in recent years, I saw her less than I would have wished. Sometimes she would call me from Mexico City just to share a thought.
The result of both her Torah Study lesson and the delight of knowing her has added another to the list of names – friend. I feel honored that she included me in her circle of people with whom she shared herself. And I feel very fortunate that she called me “friend.”
Rest in Peace, Rae Marie, I miss you.
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Orysiek is a freelance writer based in San Diego. She may be contacted via sheila.orysiek@sdjewishworld.com