By Eva Trieger
SOLANA BEACH, California – The image of a successful life is fairly universal: a spacious home on a well-manicured lot, a relatively new car, and a job title that commands respect and admiration. Throw in the ability to take a family vacation twice a year and enjoy fine dining and attend sporting events or live performances. Would that fit your mental picture of “having arrived”? We may agree that these are common hallmarks of success, but at what cost? What is lost in pursuing these prizes? Plenty, according to Harriet Rossetto, founder of Beit T’Shuvah, House of Return, a Los Angeles treatment and recovery center for addicts.
In a recent phone interview Rossetto described a very disturbing and very real trend, observed in today’s high school and college students, under 25 year olds. Beit T’Shuvah was created to address a growing need for America’s youth, particularly those from affluent backgrounds or homes where “helicopter parents” provided every opportunity for excellence.
Rossetto was not faulting these parents, merely noting that they, too, have bought into the notion of “credentialism: you are the best or you’re a loser.” This is a privilege mindset that is rampant among all classes of society. So, what happens to the student who doesn’t measure up? In an effort to repair his battered self-concept he turns to addiction, which becomes a “temporary taste of wholeness,” stated Rossetto.
The founder of this program contends that “we are all broken somehow. All of us yearn for healing and liberation from our own personal Mitzrayim (Egypt).” Her own journey began when she hit rock bottom and found employment working with Jewish “addicts and cons.” While aiding this population, Rossetto discovered her own source of healing and growth, coincidentally meeting a convict and addict who later became her husband, and an ordained rabbi.
Addictions comes in all forms. Whether it is an addiction to drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, or technology, it creates an unbearable conflict. Rossetto explained “you don’t have to be an addict to be in recovery.” She defined addiction as the inability to find wholeness within oneself. This is where the founder of Beit T’Shuvah turned to Judaism as a basis for her rehabilitation model.
Rabbi, psychiatrist, and author Abraham Twerski was quite influential, Rossetto informed me. She felt that this Orthodox rabbi portrayed his message and it was not dissonant with many 12 step programs. In fact, the duality that haunted Rossetto in her earlier years was precisely the tug of war between the yetzer tov and the yetzer hara. The competing wills with which we are born were reconciled and made peace, when Rossetto learned Jewish psychology. She revealed that this new understanding allowed her to experience “great relief from shame.” Rossetto found this life changing and allowed herself the spiritual struggle instead of seeing it as a personal defect.
Rossetto did not grow up in a religious home and confessed that until twenty years ago, she felt quite hostile towards organized religion. However, she now understands the value in introspection and meditation. One of the cornerstones to the treatment plan at Beit T’Shuvah is the focus on Torah study. Each day begins with this practice and those in rehab are encouraged to “find themselves in the Torah.”
In addition to Torah exploration, those accepted into Beit T’Shuvah are obliged to pray, meditate, work, and attend supportive therapy sessions. Being Jewish is not a requirement to participate, though Rossetto informed me that nearly 90% of the 140 individuals in residence are from Jewish families.
I asked if addictive behavior is overrepresented in the Jewish population, Rossetto concurred that the values and customs are geared toward overachievers. Rossetto conjectured that the “People of the Book, early immigrants’ desire for education has been perverted by a culture of fear that there are only a few spots in colleges or corporations.” The culture of fear dominates and parents, who only want the best for their children, are depriving them from experiencing failure or hardship by doing the work for their kids. Unfortunately, this backfires and robs children of self-confidence or belief in their own ability, Rossetti postulated.
Beit T’Shuvah is funded by the Jewish community, by committed and grateful parents and grandparents, and private donations. In 2000 they moved to the west side of Los Angeles, and just last year they received a grant that allowed them to buy the property next door, large enough for a small, beautiful new synagogue.
I wanted to know how parents can break this cycle of pressure that leads to addictive behavior. Harriet Rossetto told me parents need to create a love-based relationship, as opposed to a fear-based one. They need to allow their children to grow into themselves, not attempt to recreate them in their own image. “Allow them to fail. Don’t cater to every need. Allow them to discover.” To this end, Rossetto has established support groups for parents at the junior and senior high schools.
Each Friday night, Beit T’Shuvah enjoys a Kabbalat Shabbat service, wherein they recognize sobriety birthdays and celebrate all of their recovering population. Graduates don’t go away. They remain a vital part of the community and serve as an inspiration to those who are growing into health and starting out on the derech or path to healing and wholeness.
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Trieger is a freelance writer based in Solana Beach, California. You may comment to eva.trieger@sdjewishworld.com, or post your comment on this website, provided that the rules below are observed.
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