Humoring the Headlines; April 24, 2014

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO-Georgia’s governor signed the “Guns Everywhere Law” which allows people with concealed weapons permits to bring guns into airports, bars, churches, schools, government buildings and parts of airports.  Although he heralded it as a victory for Second Amendment rights, Catholic Priests have expressed concern that their altar boys will be packing heat, and school teachers have requested bullet proof desks and Kevlar clothing.  Security guards at airports and government buildings have begun removing metal detectors because it just isn’t worth checking anymore.
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Since the House of Representatives no longer has anything to do, John Boehner traveled to Turkey to assure its leaders that the passage of a House resolution recognizing the Armenian Genocide is as unlikely as the House recognizing Obama Care.
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The Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of a Michigan referendum banning affirmative action as a criterion in college and university admissions.  Clarence Thomas joined the majority only after he learned that the ban was neither applicable nor retroactive to the appointment of Supreme Court justices.
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Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy has justified his refusal to pay 20 years of grazing fees to the Federal government on the grounds that he does not recognize the existence of the United States.  Nevertheless, he continues to wave the American flag while riding on his horse and uses its colors and design as the bunting for his podium during press conferences.  Consequently, the federal government has added the charge of copyright infringement to his arrest warrant.
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Vladimir Putin has threatened to destroy the global reach of the internet which he suspects is a cover for CIA espionage.  In response the municipal governments of Silicon Valley and San Fernando Valley have jointly declared war on Russia and have mobilized geeks and porn stars to defend Ukraine.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com