By Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D.
LA JOLLA, California–We all follow more or less predictable patterns of responding to our environment. Wanting to be significant and wanting to matter are common wishes for many people. Is being significant important to you? If so, how do you achieve that? Some people like to be visible, upfront, counted. Others prefer the back seat, working behind the scenes. Some people are self-promoting others are self-deprecating. Do you seek center stage, or do you prefer to be invisible? Do you like to be in charge most of the time, or do you prefer others to make decisions? Motivators can also be negative such as avoiding an activity or outcome which you fear. There is no right or wrong, what is important is to be aware of what motivates us because it influences our choices all day, every day.
Contributing to the welfare of others, being of service, or helping out is a powerful motivator for many people. Some people just pursue their own goals, unaware of other’s needs. Some people love variety in their lives, adventure, change. Others prefer constancy and certainty. You?
Most people need the feeling of being connected to others—family, friends, community—but not all. Some need more connections, others need more privacy, more time alone. Which do you prefer? We all have heard the terms extrovert and introvert, outgoing and shy, social butterflies and homebodies. Whatever the terminology, some of it fits you and impacts your behavior.
These are some of the questions that most probably impact your daily behavior and your life choices. It is only by answering them that you will understand why you do what you do. You may not like some of your answers if you are honest with yourself. But whatever you find out about your inner—sometimes secret—motives, they are all part of the way you were brought up, the environment you live in, and the choices you have made along the way.
Sometimes these motivators are hidden deep in your unconscious mind and are difficult to expose or acknowledge. But whether you wish to capitalize on them to achieve satisfaction or to name them in order to revoke their power and transcend, the first step is revelation and acceptance. Unless you become conscious of your behaviors and their reasons, you will be bound to keep repeating your responses to stimuli whether you like it or not. Understanding yourself will help you decide on your career path as well as make daily choices. Become a social worker or a CEO, offer someone a helping hand or unwaveringly pursue your goals
Relatively few people fit exclusively in just one category. We have many facets to our personalities and can exhibit appropriately different behaviors according to different circumstances. I can happily lead one day and just as happily follow the next. One of my main motivations is the pursuit of knowledge, I love learning new things.
Yet there are tendencies we seem to keep reverting back to. Whenever an opportunity arises, I tend to take charge. Why? Probably because no one else seems to want to. If someone else does, I am not competitive unless I feel that other person is not doing it right—of course “not doing it right” means not doing it according to how I think it should be done. Having strong opinions colors my perceptions.
So I need to ask myself: How often do I think I have the right answer? How does this impact my behavior? And all of a sudden, I may say, “Oops!” something seems a bit askew here. I should pay more heed to others’ judgments, preferences, and values. In other words, this is an example of how by answering what motivates us, we can become dismayed at the consequences of our behavior, and then—and only then—we have the possibility and the power to change.
This of course requires the ability to see unpleasant traits about ourselves as well as the desire to change. In order to become the person I wish I were, I must accept the ongoing process of self-discovery.
I’m throwing this challenge out to my readers: Keep wondering what motivates you, it is an exciting journey of discovery, of meeting yourself—maybe for the first time—and learning to like your struggling self.
Good luck!
Copyright © 2015. Natasha Josefowitzis an author and freelance writer. This story appeared initially in La Jolla Village News. Your comment may be sent to natasha.josefowitz@sdjewishworld.com or posted on this website provided that the rules below are observed.