By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Ethiopian Israelis clashed with Israeli police to protest the beating of an Ethiopian Israeli soldier by the police. The demonstrators carried signs saying, “If we wanted to be treated like this, we would have moved to Baltimore” and “Black Jewish lives matter.”
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When the news that American Pharoah won the Kentucky Derby was flashed on the crawl at Fox News, the anchorman commented, “I didn’t know President Obama was a jockey.”
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Iowa has declared a state of emergency over the epidemic of bird flu that has been decimating the state’s chickens and turkeys. As a precautionary measure, presidential candidates are banned from shaking hands and kissing babies if they have previously visited poultry farms.
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Bud Light has apologized for printing the slogan “The perfect beer for removing ‘no’ from your vocabulary for the night” on its labels. Critics have contended that the slogan encourages rape. Committed to truth in advertising, the manufacturer of Ruffies has expressed interest in purchasing the copyright to the slogan, altering it a bit to read, “The perfect pill to slip into your date’s beer to remove ‘no’ from her vocabulary for the night.”
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Texas Governor Greg Abbott mobilized the Texas State Guard to monitor Navy Seal and Green Beret training exercises which he suspects are preparations for placing the state under federal martial law. He also ordered Texas Rangers to prevent abortionists from committing mass murders.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.