‘Just Kidding’: July 2, 2016

Hagbah-Gelilah approved as Olympic sport

By Joel H. Cohen

Joel H. Cohen
Joel H. Cohen

NEW YORK — Inspired by the popularity of snowboarding at the 2014 winter Olympics, the International Olympic Committee has approved hagbah-gelilah as a competitive sport, which will make its debut at the Olympics this year in Rio.

The two-man teams will have one member lifting the Torah scroll by its bottom handles from the reading desk (hagbah), and, after he is seated, the other member will roll it closed, by its top handles, then tie and dress it (gelilah)

The teams will be graded not only on the speed of execution, but the grace, control and economy and fluidity of motion with which they handle their tasks. How wide the hagbah competitor spreads the Torah scroll when lifting it will not be a factor unless it is so wide, his gelilah partner has trouble spanning it or that judges deem it to be excessive and ostentatious.

Each team will have two chances for each player (with scores combined) after which the two will exchange responsibilities for two more attempts.

The United Nations, in response to requests from several Arab nations and France, is preparing a draft resolution to prevent Israel from competing, contending that hagbah and gelilah are a long-established custom in Hebrew religious culture and thus give its Israeli Olympic athletes an unfair advantage. The United States is proposing a compromise, by which an Israeli team would start with points deducted, just for being Israeli. A decision is pending about how to grade Jewish contestants from other nations.

Medical specialists will be standing by, in view of the expected increase in hagbah-wrist injuries, which may soon surpass cases of tennis elbow.

Because the Torah scroll has religious significance for Jewish participants from any country, the IOC will provide scrolls in the size and shape of traditional Torah scrolls, but with their inside parchment blank, to prevent any objections on religious grounds.

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San Diego Jewish World reminds readers who are new to this column that it is all in fun, and nothing above should be taken seriously.  Cohen is a freelance writer based in New York.  Comments intended for publication in the space below MUST be accompanied by the letter writer’s first and last name and by his/ her city and state of residence (city and country for those outside the United States.)