Treyf: My Quest for Identity in a Forbidden World by Elissa Altman; New American Library; 2016; ISBN 9780425-277812; 283 pages; $26.
By Donald H. Harrison
SAN DIEGO – What is not kosher is treyf, literally meaning “torn” but generally meaning “forbidden” and one might anticipate that in Elissa Altman’s memoir, subtitled “My Quest for Identity in a Forbidden World,” that she might be talking about the fact that she had been in a loving lesbian relationship long before same-sex marriages were legalized by the Supreme Court.
But that was not the issue at all; almost everyone important in Elissa’s life accepted this fact of her life. The real theme of this memoir is assimilation, the near loss of Jewish identity, in American society – an issue symbolized by her family’s eating habits. If one were to do a word count for all the nouns that appear in Altman’s gastronomically-focused account, “pork” might be the most frequently mentioned.
We see the Altmans eating pork at the Chinese restaurant; bringing it home; savoring it on various outings. Pork, pork, pork; it’s enough to make a rabbi wince, and that of course was one of the memoir’s salient points. Not only did the family eat treyf, but they also hungered after other Christian ways. Elissa’s father, an advertising man, kept his Jewish identity under wraps. So did her mother, a fur model, whose unbridled desire for stardom made her a remote figure in her family’s universe.
Elissa’s maternal grandmother provided the love and sustenance Elissa craved, and although she too rejected kashrut, she did keep other Jewish traditions.
Later in her life, when Elissa lived with a roommate, she picked out a Christmas tree, although should anyone have asked—especially her grandmother—it was her roommate’s idea.
As we read about Elissa’s life, we keep wondering where this is going; why it’s important for us to know all this; and will traditional Judaism such as that practiced by Elissa’s paternal grandfather ever call her and her family back to its arms?
We keep guessing until near the end.
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Harrison is editor of San Diego Jewish World. He may be contacted via donald.harrison@sdjewishworld.com. Comments intended for publication in the space below MUST be accompanied by the letter writer’s first and last name and by his/ her city and state of residence (city and country for those outside the United States.)