How Joseph resisted Potiphar’s wife
By Rabbi Yaakov Marks
Once Yosef got to the house of his new master, things became even more unbearable. The mistress of the house grew infatuated with him. Daily, she solicited Yosef to commit various sinful acts. This mistress being one of the most beautiful women in Egypt only compounded Yosef’s dilemma. Several times daily she changed her outfits and perfume in efforts to attract Yosef’s attention. For a slave to speak badly about a noble woman meant certain death, so Yosef remained silent. At times, she would even threaten Yosef with retribution if he did not give in to her desires. As the months passed, the pressure on Yosef increased.
At first, when asked, Yosef could politely refuse. No need for any discussion; just no thank you. As the pressure increased, Yosef thought he needed to give her a reason for his actions. I can’t do as you ask because to do so would be a betrayal to my master. Gratitude is an innate human emotion that guides a moral person’s behavior. I have an obligation to my master, your husband, not to break his trust. Then Yosef would plead that my G-d despises acts of this kind. Yosef’s spiritual armor was being penetrated and he felt himself giving in. He understood that a polite no thank you was not working. Explanations were of no use because passion can cloud the mind and make a person think a sin is a Mitzvah and a Mitzvah is a sin. A person can sometimes rationalize that under these circumstances G-d will understand. I will get it over with and get on with my life.
“And it was on that day and he (Yosef) came to the house to do his ‘work’ and there were no people from the people of the household there in the house (except for the mistress of the house). She grabbed his clothes and said, ‘sleep with me’ and he (Yosef) left his clothes in her hands and he fled outside.” (Genesis 39:11-12) Some Rabbis in the Talmud say that Yosef came with the intention to give in to her request (Soteh 36b). The Midrash Tanchumah said that he got into the bed. At this point, Yosef visualized the face of his father and heard Yaakov say to him, “Yosef in the future your brothers will have their names engraved on the stones of the Cohen’s Breast Plate. Yours will be with them. Do you want to erase your name?” Yosef immediately regained his composure, losing all desire to sin and fled.
After all that Yosef went through why was this incident written about him? If he didn’t do anything wrong, why embarrass him? What does G-d want us to learn from this? Why would the Midrash and The Rabbis of the Talmud say such negative things about Yosef’s behavior? What do we have to gain from it?
We are being taught fundamental life lessons.
Everybody makes mistakes and everybody gets into spiritual dilemmas in their lifetimes. A lot of people will degrade themselves and think I must be no good if I can think this way or if I can get myself into a situation that could harm me. If we think that way we will definitely fail. Yosef was one of the greatest people who has lived and G-d is teaching us an extremely important lesson through him. Human beings can have desires, the desire doesn’t define you; it is how you act upon that desire that defines you. Yosef is not blamed for having the desire that day, on the contrary, he is praised for how he reacted to the desire. We should think that if the great Yosef could have a desire and then overcome it and be praised for that, surely, I will be praised for overcoming my desires and not looked down upon for having that desire.
We learn from this incident that sometimes a no thank you will be enough to stop temptation. There will be times when you will need to give a reason for what you are doing. If the reason is not enough to get you out of the situation, you might even have to say that G-d commanded me. There will be times when you will need to act like Yosef.
What happened? What made Yosef change? His desire was so strong that everything seemed lost. What could have stopped him at that point? Yosef focused on the most important motivation a person can have. His ‘Why’! Yosef saw clearly what he wanted and truly desired. He wanted to be the father of one of the twelve tribes of Israel; he wanted to be a leader for his people. This understanding and clear vision helped him regain his focus and realize that any act with this woman, even in the name of a Mitzvah, would destroy his dreams. Any pleasure from this momentary act of passion was nothing compared to the pleasure of his name being carved on a stone on the Cohen’s Breast Plate. Having his ‘why’ clearly defined gave him the power to overcome any obstacle. If a person can clarify his ‘Why’, he can’t be distracted.
This power of restraint and refocusing works for anything in life. If a person is on a health journey, at first a polite ‘no thank you’ will work. If a person persists, telling you to just try this food, one little taste won’t hurt, explain to the individual that you are in the process of reaching a certain health goal and you choose not to eat such food because it will sidetrack you from reaching your goal. If the pressure becomes too great and you start to give in to your desires and temptations, then it’s time to focus on that ‘Why’. If a person is in a bad mood and craves some comfort food, or if the hostess at an event puts pressure on you to indulge “just this once,” you might start to rationalize. “What’s one small piece? I don’t want to embarrass the hostess.” Or… “It’s Shabbos! It’s a Mitzvah to (over) eat!” Like Yosef, focus on your ‘Why.’ Visualize yourself having the energy to run around with your grandchildren. Picture your doctor smiling when he/she is going over your blood work. Imagine yourself looking in the mirror and smiling. Whatever your dream, if it is clearly defined, you have a powerful weapon to use on your journey towards your ‘Why’.
May we all merit to clearly see and define our dreams and our ‘Why.’ May G-d give us the ability and the strength to focus on our “Why” in times of temptation. May G-d merit us to not only see our ‘Why’ but to be able to live and enjoy it.
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Rabbi Marks is a life and health coach, who may be contacted via ahealthyrabbi@gmail.com. Comments intended for publication in the space below must be accompanied by the letter-writer’s first and last name and his/her city and state of residence (city and country if outside the U.S.)