Humoring the headlines: April 5, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−To streamline his administration, President Trump has fired all the members of his cabinet and delegated their authority to his son-in-law Jared Cushner whose title will be the Secretary of Making America Great Again.

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Donald Trump has removed Steve Bannon from the National Security Council.  When asked why he was dismissed, White House sources said Bannon had only been appointed to the NSC to serve as a check on Michael Flynn.  After all, it takes one alt-right conspiracy monger to identity the lies disseminated by another alt-right conspiracy monger.

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Responding to the allegations of sexual harassment leveled against Bill O’Reilly and the settlement of many of these cases for millions of dollars, President Trump commented, “”I think he shouldn’t have settled; personally I think he shouldn’t have settled.  I don’t think Bill did anything wrong. I think he’s a person I know well.  He is a good person.”  Then Trump reminisced about the good old days when women didn’t resent having their genitals grabbed.

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While the prospects for repealing the Affordable Care Act and replacing it with something amazing are still uncertain, Trump has signed executive orders permitting energy companies to pollute, internet service providers to sell their customer’s personal data, and Monsanto to manufacture a pesticide that the EPA formerly had banned because it damages the brains of children.   Health care reform may be stalled, but wealth care deregulation is thriving.

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The Arkansas’ parole board recommended that Gov. Asa Hutchinson extend mercy to one of eight inmates scheduled to die in a series of double-executions this month.  Regarding the seven it won’t spare, the board issued this statement: “The quality of mercy should not be strained.”

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.