Eight Bad Dates: The Dude

-Seventh in a Series-

By Eva Trieger

SOLANA BEACH, California — Seated next to a woman at the festive dinner at the synagogue, I am not offended when she suggests introducing me to a friend of hers. “Marvin is a really nice guy. He’s retired, divorced for a few years and lives in Solana Beach. I think you might really connect with him. He loves travel and maybe he’d be a good companion for you. May I give him your number?” Always eager to expand my horizons, I give her the “high” sign and a couple days later, there is a voicemail on my cell phone. I’ve got about 6 minutes between clients, so I return the call.

“Hi Marvin, this is Eva Trieger. I think I should mention that you know Shira far better than I. We only just met last week at a temple dinner.”

“Actually, no. I met her on JDate about two years ago. She arrived for our date with a friend in tow. We didn’t really connect. About two months after that she called me up and asked me to give her money for a business venture. I told her I would not do that. A year later, she introduced me to a woman with whom I had nothing in common, and then last week, I heard from her, describing you.”

“Oh” I say. I’m thinking to myself….what, is the third time the charm? Why would you take this woman’s advice if she’s proven herself a flake?

I suggest we meet for coffee and he names a place. I offer that I could be identified by my physical description. He counters with “I’m short: 5’2”, bald, and am getting my teeth fixed”.

“OK.”

No, he reveals this is just his, as I’ll soon learn, signature humor surfacing. Ha ha ha.

Our coffee date is comfortable. I am not attracted to Marvin, though to his credit he is in good shape, actually close to six foot with a full head of hair, and nice teeth. So as we chat, he does a significant amount of name dropping and talking about his LA connections. He tells of backstage passes to aging rocker’s concerts and rubbing elbows with the elite entertainment crowd. Not my thing. About to part company, I hear myself in some alternate universe saying, “I have an extra ticket to a show in Old Town tomorrow night, and if you’re free, it should be fun”. Marvin counters with,” If I can move this thing, I’d love to come with you”.

Ooh! Instant regret on my part……

The next day, I receive a text that “it’s a go.”

Okay, I steel myself for enjoying the night, dinner, the show etc. We agree that Marvin will pick me up at my place at 5:50 pm.

I leap into the shower at 5:25 and receive a phone call no later than 5:30.

“Ah is heyah”.

What? Dang. I grab my clothes and head down to the street to meet him. We arrive in Old Town and begin to look for an agreeable restaurant. Though I mention a few, Marvin is intent on locating the evening’s eatery. OK. We approach one Mexican place with a “hawker” outside offering 15% off. Marvin asks if we can have a 20% discount and proceeds to tell the hostess that it’s our anniversary and we’d like a table in a private area. I’m feeling really awkward. Then once we’re shown a table, Marvin sits next to me instead of opposite me. Can you say “really, really awkward?”

Dinner finished about an hour before curtain time so I offer, “Wanna walk around Old Town?” Marvin suggests, “or we can go to the car and make out.” “

No thanks” sez I. Yuck.

We slowly amble around and end up at the theater where Marvin excuses himself to go to the car. This was repeated several times during the night. I’m only mildly curious as to what’s in the car. Not a love match…this much is crystalline.

The date ends with Marvin delivering me to a driveway north of my own. This is even better than I anticipated, as now I have some degree of anonymity. “Date Over,” in the words of my wise niece.

Next: The Rabbi and the Rails

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Trieger is a freelance writer specializing in coverage of the arts.  She may be contacted via eva.trieger@sdjewishworld.com