NEW YORK — Claiming a “mutual love affair, unlike any other in history” between himself and the Jewish people, President Trump is rolling back tariffs on several product imports from China that are favored by Jews.
In a series of tweets, the president said: “Nobody loves the Jews the as much as I do, and no world leader – including Bibi — is loved more by Jews than I am. So I’m doing them a dollars-and-cents buying favor.”
He was demonstrating his affection, he explained, by removing tariffs on China-made products that are heavily relied on, and enjoyed, by Jews. Among them, “the things they light their holiday candles on (menorahs)… those tops that Jewish kids play with on holidays that have Hebrew letters on the sides (dreidels)… and flour for pancakes (latkes).
Also being considered by the president for exemption from tariffs: “prayer shawls (talisim)…funny head coverings the men wear (yarmulkas or kippas), as well as oil, apple sauce, tea, honey..and a traditional favorite with Jewish women — Mah Jongg sets, ivory tiles included.”
Told by his son-in-law Jared Kushner that, in Israel, the letters on the dreidels stand for a “a great miracle happened here,” Trump said, “That could very, very certainly refer to what happened here in the good old USA, with my election and all the wonderful things my administration has done…such as beefing up the military, stoPping illegal immigration, ordering troop deployments to the Middle East and making big, very big,plans to go to Mars.
“And don’t forget all the time I’ve spent overturning the deportation order for those supposedly very sick foreign kids at our wonderful stateside hospitals.I happen to be a very compassionate guy. In fact, many, many people have told me “they’re not making ’em like you — meaning me — any more.”
One Jewish multi-millionaire, a major donor to Trump’s campaigns, suggested that “it would also be a nice gesture” to rescind plans to deport undocumented Chinese workers employed at kosher delicatessen. But a Trump spokesperson said that such an action would be criticized as excessive and discriminatory. The president himself said merely, “We’ll see.”
“We’ll see” was the same answer Trump gave to various leaders of other ethnic groups who claimed (politely, of course) that his actions were showing “undue favoritism” to Jews, and who requested that he give their own people similar consideration on tariffs.
When asked by a cable news correspondent, whether he hoped his action relating to tariffs would attract more Jewish voters to cast their ballots for him next year, Trump declared, “You fake news people are always looking for sinister motives. Even you enemies of the people should know by now that I never, ever take actions for my own personal benefit, but only for the good of our great country.”
He continued: “I have always loved the Jews, and they have always loved me,” Trump declared. “They loved me even more when I moved the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem, and they’ll love me more than ever with the lifting of these tariffs on Chinese-made products that are their favorites.
“Now that I’ve demonstrated my loyalty to them, I expect nothing less in return.
“You’ll see.”
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Readers unfamiliar with Joel Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns are assured that they are satire. Nothing herein should be taken seriously.
While living in NY for 40 years I know Trump to be antisemitic. Just because his daughter is now Jewish and married to a Jew and raising their children as Jews – does NOT make Trump less antisemitic.
His ONLY motive for moving the US Embassy to Jerusalem was so that HIS name is now on the front of the building.
Joel Cohen must know that too many people will actually believe what he says about Trump – and those fools will not understand that Mr. Cohen is using satire.
This is one time that NO Jews should be seriously considering voting again for Trump. OUR lives at at stake.