NEW YORK — President Trump has been so impressed by the popularity and taste of hamantashen (the three-cornered pastry based on the hat worn by Haman, the Jew-hating Persian bad guy of yesteryear), that he’s contracted with a national bakers organization to produce pastries in his own image.
The custom-baked pastry, to be known as Trumpets — as in tea and trumpets — will be oblong in shape and available in various sizes,in both hard- and soft-dough casings. A prime feature is that all versions are topped by orange marmalade or something comparable in color, to represent the president’s hair.
“i’m told I have remarkable hair, so perpetuating its mage is vital, a sac;red trust,” the president tweeted, in explanation of the desired topping.
(The first suggested name for the pastry, “Trumptaschen,” was ultimately l rejected as being “a bit cumbersome.”)
The rush project is planned to produce millions of the trumpets in time for the Purim holiday this month, but the pastry will be available all year.
The news of the pastry plan was first revealed in tweets from the president, followed by a press briefing conducted by Vice President Pence, who took time out from his emergency duties overseeing U.S. response to the coronavirus epidemic.
Amomg the Trump tweets, the president said, “Never knew Haman, but he had rep as strong leader. The bad stuff about him probably a hoax by dishonest press of that time.”
In a subsequent tweet, he wrote: “Many, many people, have urged me — unlike anyone approaching crooked Hillary or Obama — many have urged me to make a long-lasting product bearing my name. The Trumpets are just the beginning.”
At the press briefing, Vice President Pence said that President Trump was well aware of and impressed by items that have borne the names of U .S. presidents and other leaders for decades, even centuries.
Beef Wellington, for example, is named for the Duke of Wellington, who defeated the celebrated emperor and general Napolteon Bonaparte at the Battle of Waterloo, While Napoleon, in turn, is generally considered to be the inspiratiom for the pastry with the same name, some believe it originated in Naples and was mixed up in translation.
Pence continued giving examples of items named for world-famous figures, the Eisenhower jacket, for the famed U.S. general in charge of Allied Forces in World War II… the dance known as the Lindy, for Charles Lindbergh, who piloted a plane across the Atlantic solo…And even the teddy bear, for President Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt, who famously let a real-life, tied-up bear go free although he had had the animal in this gunsight. (“A little too compassionate for my taste,” Trump tweeted.).
Pence pointed out that many presidents were given national, state and local honor by having monuments, buildings and tunnels, even tombs, named after them.
When a correspondent at the briefing commented that some of those cited were dictators, Pence replied huffily that they were all strong leaders with “qualities our president deeply admires and emulates.” And, Pence commented, “we are so fortunate to have such a strong leader steering our ship of state.We should give thanks each day.”
Pence commented that “there are even cities named for individuals — Leningrad, Stalingrad, to mention a few by our Russian friends.”When a correspondent pointed out, “they were notorious dictators, Pence called on a different reporter..
When that correspondent remarked “President Trump seems to be obsessed with his hair,” Pence replied, “Of course the president is concerned with his exceptional hair, with which he’s blessed. It’s no mere coincidence that his hair is a sign of wisdom, like Einstein, of strength like the Biblical Samson. Hair is often a true indicator of a man’s manhood, which our president has in abundance..
“He’s not anything near ordinary.”
Who can argue with that?
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Readers unfamiliar with Joel Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns are assured that they are satire and should not be taken seriously.