NEW YORK — The account of the Exodus from Egypt has given amateur comedians a renewed opportunity to joke about Moses, and then launch into a criticism of modern men.
“If only Moses had used a GPS,” it goes, “or if, like most men, he hadn’t been embarrassed to ask for directions, we would have come to Israel much, much sooner.”
They forget this was before there were electronic devices or information-dispensing gas stations and, most important, that the route and timeline were part of a Divine plan.
But let’s try to humor those who insist men refuse to ask directions (47 percent of men generally and 56 percent of Jewish men, both statistics invented.) The Jewish percentage would have been higher, except for the fact that most have a seat mate riding beside them who are only too willing to helpfully point out the error of their ways –“You’re wrong. This definitely isn’t the direction to go.”)
Such comebacks as “I took the long way around, as an homage to Moses” make no impact.
If truth be told, I have no trouble asking for directions (honestly), but following them. If the friendly guy at the gas station says, “go up three lights on the highway in front, and then hang a left,” I’m never sure whether the light immediately in front of the station counts as the first light or not. (I already feel guilty that, inevitably, I had filled up at a station a few miles earlier, so now I’m reluctant to ask for clarification of the directions.)
Years ago, when the GPS for civilian drivers was still in its infancy, I bought one to install in our car before a long, but direct, journey. Despite many attempts, one wire of the gadget could not find an insertion place, so I brought the item back.
An employee on break who was kibbitzing at the return desk, asked me, “Bringing back a man toy?” I smiled in agreement. “Did you ever hear of asking for directions?” she continued. I told her of my willingness to ask, but that I had difficulty following directions. She continued,”Ever consider paper and pencil?” Not a bad suggestion.
President Trump was asked by a CNN correspondent about his sense of direction and whether he ever gets lost. He replied: “By the way, that’s a rude question. I expect it of someone from your network. but that’s okay. As president, and I was elected by an incredible margin; the popular-vote figures were a hoax made up b the fake media..Anyway, I have aides who lay out the best route to go anywhere, and if I should ever stop being president, I can assure you, I know my way in the incredible states of the United States and in more than a hundred other countries.
“Frankly, I know them strongly better than people who live there. Crooked Hillary never knew those countries, and neither did Obama. So, nothing to be concerned about.”
Some drivers who find themselves on the wrong road without anyone or anything to help them find their way, get apoplectic, (Could you call the condition
‘non-compass-mentis’?)
But unless taking the unknown route means being late for the Mazal tov at the wedding ceremony or hearing the haftorah chanted by the the Bar or Bat Mitzvah or yelling “surprise” at the surprise party, taking what poet Robert Frost called “the road not taken” isn’t necessarily all bad
If Christopher Columbus hadn’t sailed off-course looking for the Indies, he might never have made it to the New World, and we might not be here today.
Not that I’m advocating going astray, but taking a wrong route can have have happy consequences .
And, not through a mistaken choice of highway, but skyway, in 1938, a pilot named Douglas Corrigan embarked on what was supposed to be a solo flight from Floyd Bennett Field in Brooklyn, New York to Long Beach, California. But instead he landed in Dublin, Ireland, claiming it was accidental, but some thought he’d done it on purpose. In any case, Corrigan was celebrated as “Wrong Way” forever after.
Which brings us to the great philosopher Yogi Berra, who wisely advised: “When you come to a fork in the road…take it.”
Could be an intriguing route to follow…no GPS required.
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Anyone not familiar with Joel H. Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns are assured they are satire and should not be taken seriously.
Anyone not familiar with Joel H. Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns are assured they are satire and should not be taken seriously.