By Eric George Tauber
CINCINNATI, Ohio — For decades, we have heard the Republican battle cry:
STOP KILLING INNOCENT UNBORN BABIES!
If you kill them before their born, we can’t bury their mothers in medical debt from their stay in the maternity ward. CHA-CHING! $$$$
STOP KILLING INNOCENT UNBORN BABIES!
We know it’s expensive to pay for diapers, formula, shoes, car seats, daycare… etc. And no, we don’t have ANY intention of subsidizing any of that for struggling young mothers. We just want the babies to be born. Once they’re born, they’re not our problem.
STOP KILLING INNOCENT UNBORN BABIES!
Let them be killed later by insane gunmen with too easy access to firearms. We won’t pass ANY national legislation to regulate firearms or require background checks to prevent future mass shootings. We will even reduce funding for mental health resources and the ATF. What we will offer is our most vapid “thoughts and prayers” to the grieving families because we value “Freedom” (aka fat campaign contributions from gun lobbyists) over innocent lives.
STOP KILLING INNOCENT UNBORN BABIES!
But if brown-skinned, foreign-born refugee children are separated from their parents and never see them again… Meh. It serves them right for fleeing the violence of blood-thirsty drug cartels to seek safety in OUR country.
STOP KILLING INNOCENT UNBORN BABIES!
But if they’re gay, trans or some other thing that makes us uncomfortable, they can kill themselves. We’d prefer it if they did, actually.
STOP KILLING INNOCENT UNBORN BABIES!
We need them to grow up with poorly educated, unwed mothers in crowded inner-city ghettos where crime and gang violence is already rampant. Why? The executives and shareholders of the private prison industry write us nice fat campaign contributions after we award them lucrative government contracts. Plus, we need the urban crime rate to stay high in order to scare squeamish suburban soccer moms into voting for us because we’re “tough on crime.”
And that is what the GOP really means when they call themselves “Pro-Life.”
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Eric George Tauber, a former San Diegan now residing in Cincinnati, is a teacher, performer, and a drama critic. He may be contacted via eric.tauber@sdjewishworld.com
AMAZING. As usual 😉