By (Proud Papa) Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — This week’s parasha is a landmark in Torah’s teaching in contemporary psychology. And a beautiful landmark, B”H, in our family.
This Shabbat our youngest grandson’s, Jacob and Max Mantell, will IY”H, become b’nei mitzvah. And it is also the auf ruf of our oldest grandson, Judah Mantell, who will, IY”H, become married to Daphna Luchins in the following week. And two of our other grandchildren, Eli and Barry Mantell, graduate high school. Oh, and just a week ago, we celebrated the bris of a grandnephew, Theo Mitzner-Paletz. Wow is right! B”H.
As for the Torah’s teaching on how to live a better life, perhaps the lessons we see inside the text can be summed up as, “the link is what you think.” Sounds familiar, right?
The parasha describes how 12 spies set out on a seemingly simple mission: “Go and observe, return and report.” However, their thoughts were tied in knots and colored what they saw and reported. A word about “knots” in a moment. The report from 10 of the 12 spies created despair and sin. The entire nation was forced to atone for the sin of the spies and had to spend 40 years in the desert.
Indeed, the people wept all night long after hearing the false report, railing against Moses and Aaron, “If only we had died in the land of Egypt…or if only we might die in this wilderness!” “Why is Hashem taking us to that land to fall by the sword?” “Our wives and children will be carried off!” “It would be better for us to go back to Egypt!”
There are SPIES, “sparkling positivity ignites endless success” and there are “sinister perspectives incur everlasting suspicion.” It’s our choice which we follow. The spies in the parasha described Israel as “a land that devours its inhabitants.” We learn from the Talmud in Sotah that this refers to the spies seeing funeral processions where they went and concluded that the land devours its residents.
In Birchas Peretz, written by the Steipler Rav, we are taught that people see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear, and believe what they want to believe. For some, the glass is half empty, for others it is half full and for yet others the 8-ounce glass is filled with 4 ounces of liquid. The fear the spies had, all great tzadikkim, tribal leaders, that they would lose their prominence when they came into Israel, colored their view according to the Ba’al HaTurim, and gave them a jaundiced eye. They could have seen the funerals free of this fear and thought, “Wow! Look at how Hashem protects us by distracting the people with these funerals, so we won’t be noticed!” Their internal narrative, filled with crippling fear, led them to believe erroneously that the land devours its residents. They saw what they wanted to see.
Anxiety sounds like this erroneous belief, “I’m in danger, something terrible is going to happen, and I can’t cope.” How about, “Am I misreading and exaggerating things, and either way, I can cope, and I’ve got through things like this before?”
Depression sounds like this erroneous belief, “I’m worthless, the future is bleak, and nothing will change.” How about, “I’m looking through gloomy lenses and this situation does not prove I am entirely worthless, and I can get through it?”
Anger sounds like this erroneous belief, “I’ve been disrespected, it’s unfair, and I won’t tolerate it!” How about, “Am I demanding things be my way and over-reacting, and besides, who says it must be my way and it’s awful if it’s not?”
The spies, like many, did not question their own erroneous beliefs. Much of our lives depends on how we view ourselves and how we believe others see us. The spies viewed themselves as “grasshoppers” and believed that others saw them similarly. The latter is a key part of the root of the sin of the spies.
Rabbi Twersky brings contemporary psychological understanding to this in the link between the perception we have of ourselves and how we come across to others. People respond to how we show up. Since the spies believed they were insignificant grasshoppers, lacking confidence and courage. They lost faith in Hashem. They believed they were not worthy of receiving His miracles in defeating these great nations.
And if we turn to the Kotzker Rebbe for further insight, we learn that a key sin of the spies was caring what others think about them. As my mother of blessed memory said daily to me, “What do you care what they think?” Although they may have felt small, a real feeling they had, their feelings about what others may think about them may not have been real. How often do you convince yourself of some limiting beliefs? Do you realize that when it comes to being hurt, your own expectations are more likely the culprit than what anyone else did or did not do, said, or did not say?
Now to the knots, not those in our minds. The knots we find in tzitzis. The fundamental mitzvah of tzitzis it is said, is equal to the entire Torah, as a reminder of Hashem. It says in the parasha, “The Lord said to Moses, as follows: Speak to the people of Israel and instruct them to make for themselves fringes on the corners of their garments throughout all their generations; let them attach a cord of blue to the fringe at each corner. That shall be your fringe; look at it and recall all the commandments of the Lord and observe them, so that you do not follow your heart and eyes… Thus, you shall be reminded to observe all My commandments and to be holy to your God…”
The sending of the spies was seemingly optional – “You send forth…” meaning at your discretion. They did so in a negative manner. Sure, there are many options we have been given in life, and it is up to us to choose to act upon these in the right way. The mitzvah of tzitzis is another option, though a dozen or so chapters in Shulchan Aruch teach us how to perform this mitzvah correctly.
From the tzitzis we see that we can look beyond the superficial. We can see a blue thread on the tzitzis and see the symbolism of the sea and the sky leading to Hashem and His commandments or we can see a simple thread. The spies saw what they wanted to, not using the gift Hashem gave to them to see beyond the outside and see the holiness, the Chariot for Hashem’s presence.
For b’nei mitvah, for a Chassan, for high school graduates, for a newborn just following his bris, the lesson of this parasha is profound. There is a healthy positive lens through which to see life, there is a right way to perform His mitzvot. Chazal tell us that we are all capable of so much if only we see through the correct lens of Hashem’s Torah. If Hashem instructs us to observe the mitzvot, they are all undoubtedly within our reach. And although through this path you, our grandchildren, our grandnephew, may be dedicated to a life of Torah, the yeitzer hara will often test you, throw adversity and challenge on your path, pushing you to follow his advice and do things incorrectly, in his way.
At those times, be assured of what Calev said, “Aloh na’aleh veyarashnu otah ki yachol nuchal lah”– “We will surely ascend and conquer it, for we can surely do it.” Building a beautiful home in today’s world may also rest on this statement, going from strength to strength in making a home a place that Hashem will be proud of. Take the optimism found in this parasha to face difficulties as opportunities. Use the beautiful spirit found in Joshua and Calev to work through the gloom of others. Remind yourselves continuously of the words, “we can surely do this.” See your purpose in this world as always being for good, to remember that “striving for progress ignites exuberant success” (spies). When you recognize your own value, when you recognize that you have the Divine gift of Hashem within you, then you will allow your inner giant to emerge, free of the grasshopper syndrome. The parasha this week, links you to Joshua and Calev, to their beautiful spirits, their positivity, their teamwork, in the midst of a world of those who see doom.
Be Joshua and Calev and always work together, as a couple, as cousins, as a family, to encourage each other to say, “we can surely do this.” Help each other always see the miracle of your own existence, the worthiness of each of you as individuals and as a member of our family and feel the strength that is embedded in the tapestry of the hearts of all of us intertwined together. Then, you will see, like Joshua and Calev, a world flowing with milk and honey, with beauty, and with abundant love.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com