NEW YORK — As a lifelong only child, I’ve never faced the challenge, but I still am shocked, even flabbergasted, by how many men, women and children of all ages don’t get along with their siblings.
I don’t mean that theirs is not a hugging and kissing relationship, but that they’re not even civil to one another.
All sorts of rationales (real and perceived) are offered for the disenchantment, but to an only-child outsider they’re seldom convincing.
In a comedy routine, Tommy Smothers used to complain to his brother Dickie, “Mom always liked you best” and parental favoritism, even if it’s just imagined, can play a hurtful role.
It’s not that much of a stretch back to Biblical days, when patriarch Jacob was certainly guilty of favoring Joseph over all his many other sons. For proof, one need just think of the coat of many colors that Jacob presented to him.
Of course, the present to Joseph and what it symbolized didn’t do Joseph any favors, as some of his brothers were ready to slay him whereas some were satisfied to sell him into slavery. The account ended happily for all, as Joseph ascended to very high office in Egypt, second only to Pharoah, and even forgave his brothers for their cruel, sadistic behavior against him.
Other victims, of course, have not been nearly as fortunate…just think of the Biblical Abel, fratricide victim of brother Cain.
Fortunately. most instances of sibling rivalry don’t approach such extreme outcomes. Yet they can be pretty far out. One story I’ve heard dealt with a mature (in age, at least) brother and sister, who, because they were not on speaking terms, requested separate limos for the funeral service for their last parent. While that service was still in progress, they both requested their limos. Where did they ask to be taken?
The bank. Wow!
Fortunately, most rivalries play out in more benign ways. For example, in a young boy’s letter to a magazine (never mailed) he complains that his older brother and friends won’t let the youngster play with them, claiming he can throw a ball only inches. Grown up, the brothers have an excellent relationship.
Sometimes the rivalry grows out of a parent’s request to the older child to “watch’ the younger one. (Which is why presumably, the older yarmulke asks his mother rhetorically, “Am I my brother’s kipa?” and the herring asks his mother, “Am I my brother’s kipper? (Don’t believe they said it? You can look it up.)
In any event, the reasons for sibling rivalry are all over the map, from not liking a sister’s boyfriend to a brother or sister taking up too much space in a shared room.
But whatever the reason, superficial or otherwise, for that great amount of rivalry out there, reminds me of what Rodney King, the late victim of a brutal racist beating, plaintively asked later on:
“Why can’t we all just get along?
And why not start with our sisters and brothers?
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Joel H. Cohen is a New York-based freelance writer.