By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — In the enchanting pages of Toldot this week, we uncover a love story that stands as the very first chapter in the sacred book of Torah. It’s a tale that ignites the flame of passion and unity, reminding us that in love, we’re destined to become one.
Picture this: “Cleave to each other and become one flesh.” These are the profound words that echo through time, whispered softly by Isaac and Rebecca. Their love story, like a radiant star in the night sky, shows us the way.
Isaac and Rebecca, two souls intertwined in a divine dance, offer a timeless lesson on the power of love. They exemplify the beauty of forging a connection that goes beyond the physical; it’s a bond that transcends space and time, a testament to the enduring nature of true love.
Their story is a beacon of hope, a reminder that in the tapestry of life, love is the thread that weaves us together, making us whole. So, as you delve into Toldot, let the love of Isaac and Rebecca inspire you, for it’s a love story etched in the stars, beckoning us to cleave to each other and become one, just as they did.
In fact, they even prayed as one. We see this in the gematria of יצחק and רבקה totaling 515, which equals to the gematria of בשר אחד or “one flesh.” Even more, 515 is also the gematria of תפלה.
Could it be that the Torah is gently guiding us towards a profound truth? Is it whispering in the ancient words of יצחק and רבקה that love and prayer are intertwined, their essence one and the same? Perhaps this radiant couple has appeared on the stage of our Torah to unveil the secrets of genuine love and heartfelt prayer.
In the grand tapestry of the Torah, it is with יצחק and רבקה that the word “love” makes its debut, a shimmering gem of wisdom. Their love story, like a radiant beacon, beckons us to explore the profound connection between love and prayer.
As we journey through the pages of Toldot, יצחק and רבקה become our wise companions, showing us that both marriage and prayer flourish when they are nurtured with gratitude, praise, and heartfelt compliments. Like a garden in full bloom, their story teaches us to fill our hearts with thanksgiving, for love, like prayer, is not a litany of complaints and requests but a celebration of all the wonders that Hashem has bestowed upon us and will continue to bestow.
So, let יצחק and רבקה be our guiding stars this week, leading us on a journey to discover that love and prayer are two sides of the same radiant coin, and in practicing both, we embrace the blessings of life with open hearts and grateful souls.
Rebecca and Isaac today would undoubtedly be considered a “power couple,” leaders in their own way, not simply soul mates but “goal mates,” unified as a couple to build the destiny of our people. Interestingly, although Rebecca was described as “barren,” Isaac prayed for her, the only husband in the Torah to do so. No, not a “perfect” couple, one with communication and trust issues for certain. There was far more right with their love, though, than there was wrong with it.
The unity of love is seen in the numerical values of the words echad (one) and ahava (love) being the same. Genuine love is a state of being in which two become one flesh, united in their desires and fate. The deeper a couple is aware of their unity, the stronger is their love.
One flesh. Reminds me of the couple who goes to the doctor because the wife injured her foot. The husband accompanies his wife into the exam room and when the doctor asks what brings the wife in, the husband answers, “Doctor, my wife’s foot hurts us.” Us. Unity.
Look in the “Nishmat Kol Chai” prayer we say every Shabbat. Find the acrostic the prayer ends with…it’ll be another reminder for you of how love and prayer are truly entwined.
They are indeed a couple whose love is worth emulating in many ways. Isaac’s prayers are described וַיֶּעְתַּ֨ר יִצְחָ֤ק לַֽיהֹוָה֙ לְנֹ֣כַח אִשְׁתּ֔וֹ “And Isaac prayed to the Lord opposite his wife…” Rashi tells us that “Vaye’ater” is not the usual word for prayer, and is linked with the idea of abundance, suggesting that Isaac prayed profusely for his wife. Additionally, the word “l’nokhakah” is not commonly used to mean for another but is meant to indicate closeness. Isaac prayed close to, opposite, Rebecca, frequently. What does this mean, “opposite his wife”? Our Sages explain that they were in unison, and some say they literally embraced each other face-to-face while praying. Rebecca stood opposite Isaac to be a helper, not an opponent.
In the magnificent teachings of Chazal, we unearth a timeless wisdom that speaks to the very essence of love and enduring connections. As we delve into Avot 5:16, a beacon of insight shines through: “When love depends on something outside of itself and that thing comes to an end, love comes to an end. When love does not depend on something outside of itself, that love will endure forever.”
Let’s embark on a journey into the profound tales of יצחק and רבקה, two figures whose love stories offer a profound lesson. יצחק’s love for Esav, described as “ki tzayid befiv” – “because” of the game Esav provided to satisfy his father’s palate, teaches us a crucial distinction. It’s a love tethered to external actions, a love that, like a flickering flame, can be extinguished when the circumstances change. The Torah tells us in the past tense, “Isaac loved Esau,” signaling the transient nature of this affection, which was built on conditional grounds.
What was fleeting about their affection? Esau, as we know, was a warrior, symbolizing the body, the material world, a man who was at home in the fields. Isaac, recall, tells him, “You shall live by your sword.” Jacob was a man of peace, symbolizing the soul, the spiritual world, a scholar who was at home in the tents of study. While the love story of Toldot predominates, we’d be remiss to not see the continuing seeds of hate that flow today in the story of Esau and Jacob, two nations, two opposing forces, that cannot seem to co-exist in peace.
The love story in this week’s parasha is one I prefer to focus on as we are introduced to רבקה’s love for יעקב. A love without explanation, without dependency on external factors. The Torah speaks of her love in the present tense, “but Rebecca loves Jacob.” This is the love that knows no bounds, no ulterior motives, no end. It is ever-present, it grows without restraint, and it refuses to be shackled by external influences. This love is the kind that endures forever.
So, as we unravel the tapestry of these ancient stories, let us take to heart the profound lesson that love, like רבקה’s love for יעקב, is meant to be unconditional, ever-growing, and steadfast. It’s a love that transcends the ebb and flow of external circumstances, and in nurturing such love, we discover the secret to enduring, unbreakable connections that stand the test of time. Many marriages however do not have this mindset and instead focus on what they can get from each other. These marriages often drift apart and deteriorate when the getting stops.
The Sefat Emet tells us Hashem’s love for us is different. It is eternal, unconditional, not dependent on anything, and is always present. As is our love for Hashem …when we open our eyes, hearts and minds and see, feel, and hear it, especially in prayer, that is particularly filled with verses of praise, gratitude and thanks, self-analysis. With unshakable honesty, as we make Hashem the center of our lives with no prerequisites, unconditionally, as we make our spouses/partners similarly the center of our lives, we become one with Hashem…and one in our marriage.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com