By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Donald Trump is now selling The God Bless the USA Bible for a price of $60. This proves he is a man of faith who wants America to pray all his trials will be delayed until after the election when he will win and abolish the judiciary system. What is special about this Bible is that he wrote the preface and annotations to its various stories. Here’s a sampling.
From the Preface: This Bible contains both the Old and New Testaments. As is true of presidential candidates, the newer one is better than the much older one.
About King David: King David had the foresight to have a hotel in Jerusalem named after him. Doesn’t this sound like a familiar pattern for great leaders? He also wanted to pay Bathsheba hush money to hide their affair which resulted in a pregnancy. When that failed, he dutifully married her to prevent her from having an abortion. King David had many wives too.
About the Book of Esther: The Jews exacted retribution against the people of Shushan by killing many of them. The lesson here is that God encourages retribution against enemies.
Jesus: Jesus’s dad was God who built the world. My dad Fred built much of New York city. His middle name was Christ which foreshadowed the economic and political status his favorite son, would achieve. Joseph and Jesus were carpenters. Fred and I were developers employing carpenters but wisely saving money by not paying them. When Jesus said, “Turn the other cheek,” he was referring to how to wipe one’s behind and not advising people against seeking revenge against those who harm them.
The High Priests and the Sanhedrin conducted a witch hunt against Jesus for claiming he was God’s son. The Jews who could not accept Jesus as the Messiah were evil just like the Jews today who vote for Democrats.
Although it looked like Jesus’s campaign to be Messiah was over when he was crucified, he rose from the dead and wrote the bible which originally was titled The Art of the Heal. When I was crucified by the solen election, the fake news declared me politically dead. In 2024 I have risen! Both Jesus and I founded new religions.
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Public Service Announcement: The meek who will inherit the earth can obtain free bibles from Gideon’s International, Jehovah’s Witnesses, the United States Bible Society, and other Christian denominations. By doing so, they can simultaneously save their money and hopefully their country.
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Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com
OMG! Hard to tell what you wrote and he wrote. So pathetic that it is so believable that he could have written all that.
As if Trump’s missives were ever that coherent. Where are the ALL CAPS and “Quotation Marks” for no grammatical reason?
keep walking the dog