Lifestyles

Hoping something bad happens to the perpetrator is responding with revenge. This kind of anger is destructive and can escalate into violent confrontations. But there is also righteous anger. Anger can send a message that something really matters. When strong beliefs are at the foundation of a strong reaction, a fruitful dialogue can ensue which acknowledges the legitimacy of the anger and hopefully leads to a resolution. A parent’s angry message means the child has crossed a line. The boss’s angry tone indicates that the job may be at risk. An angry spouse demands more attention. [Natasha Josefowitz, PhD]

What is surprising is that facts have very little to do with changing people’s minds. Beliefs that have an emotional charge cannot be easily dislodged. We like to hold on to something that has been part of our belief system for a long time; change means we must negate what worked for us for many years, to accept that we had been wrong all those years. We tend to accept information that confirms what we believe and discard contradictory information even when presented as facts. We attach labels to genders, races, and cultures. [Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D]

A few weeks ago, I got a call from the director of a senior center asking me to give a talk. I have several topics I often lecture on; for seniors it is usually about some aspect of aging. However, the director had a specific subject in mind: could I talk about giving seniors a purpose? So the first thing I did was to research this topic. I found several articles on the subject; every one of them linked better health and longevity to having a purpose. Somehow this did not feel right; I wondered whether it was semantics. [Natasha Josefowitz, PhD]

Most of us want to belong—to be a part of a group. We need to be accepted. We want to be liked, respected, paid attention to, even loved. We want to be heard as well as seen, and we want to fit in.

Humans are social animals. Our language expresses our deep concerns with fitting in. We attach a value to belonging. We talk about team spirit, group dynamics, being “in or out.” (To read more, please click on headline.)